So most people know that a majority of Italians, Europeans for that matter, go on holiday during the month of August. Of course, the same holds true for Romans. It is understood that the endless traffic gridlocking this city virtually evaporates the month of August. It is also understood that English becomes much more audible because most of the people left to sweat their asses of this month are tourists. I have experienced the above mentioned phenomena a couple of times in the past. What I am about to describe, on the other hand is completely unique for me.
Because this is the first time that I have actually "lived" in Rome for any real length of time, I have gotten to witness the transition from July to August. Besides the mundane stuff already mentioned, some really interesting things have taken place, beginning exactly on the first of August. I swear that all of the following events happened and for the most part I have witnesses to verify such things.
Aug. 1 - A friend and I are sitting at a cafe around 11pm, having wine and chatting with various people, while checking our emails on our laptops. Until yesterday, I had to rely on dial up; now I'm "borrowing" someone's unsecured wireless network from my flat. . .bless! Anyway, my friend gets up to go to the restroom and she comes back with her mouth agape and sputtering. Apparently, when she reached out to open the door to the bathroom, it fell open as a guy and girl sort of stumbled out of it while kissing and laughing. "Ok," she thinks, "I guess they were hooking up in the bathroom, whatever". She proceeds to go further into the bathroom only to notice that it is absolutely disgusting and dirty inside. To make matters worse, she looks down on the floor and lo and behold, there is an giant blob of sperm occupying a couple of tiles. Of course she comes running back outside to tell me the story; I have to check for myself. Yup, its true . . . some couple found it romantic to have a good go at it in one of the most repulsive WC's known to all of humanity. Damn!
Aug. 2 - I decide its a good idea to stay out until around 4am, again. I finally drag myself home and up the endless flight of steps to my bed. After brushing my teeth, cleaning & moisturizing my face, and scrubbing the black Roman dirt off my feet I crawl into my bed. I am just about to fall asleep when I hear a bunch of voices outside below my window. This is not unusual as my building is on a very busy corner; however, the discussion is different than normal. I go to the window, open the shudders a bit, and peer down into the scooter parking spaces below. Well, I'll be . . .there stand 2 girls and 2 guys smoking joints and snorting lines of coke off the seat of a scooter that I eventually deduce does not even belong to them. Seriously? These people just snorted coke (bad enough) off the place where someone else's sweaty ass sits? They finish sharing their stash, polish off what's left of their beers, throw the bottles down on the sidewalk, and give kisses on both cheeks as a civilized goodbye. Again, damn!
Aug. 3 - Bad omen, the day starts off with some girl barfing in the street in front of me as I go to the cafe in my piazza for cappuccino. Gross, puttana! Wait, it gets better. My friend and I are trying to check a highly recommended neighborhood called Monti. To get to it we have to get around the Roman Forum and Palantine Hill. Those damned ruins sit right in the middle of our direct access to Monti. Why don't they tear them down since they are already ruined???? Kidding of course. Anyway, we are looking for the shortest route around this mess. As we consult our map and debate the merits of going up a huge flight of steps to a park behind the Vittorio Emmanuel monument, a guy passes us and walks up the steps. "Where do you think he is going," I say. "Don't know, but it must go somewhere if he is going there. Let's try it," my friend says. So up we go. We are walking, talking, and laughing. As were get to the top of the steps and start to walk toward the guy, I notice he has stopped and is standing sideways to us on the path. Huh? What's doing? I see some quick hand movements and his head twitching from side to side as if looking to see if anyone is coming down the path. He looks right at me and then looks the other way, never stopping with the hand motions. It is one o'clock on a brilliantly sunny afternoon and I am just figuring out what this guy is about. He is standing in the middle of the well traversed path. With his junk out and in his hand. Pounding his pud. Not missing a stroke. No intention of stopping. Since I was in front, my friend had no idea of why I turned on a dime and said "ok, lets get the fuck out of here, pronto," and flew back down the steps. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?????? A guy is going to just stop in the middle of a very public place and rub one out? Yup, the vomiting girl was indeed a bad omen. DAMN!
Cafe with sperm covered bathroom tiles . . . gag!
Cocaine Scooter!
Did you really think I had a picture for that last story? Seriously?????
3 comments:
I think I've been to sperm cafe...In fact I think I have a photo in my scrap book...
So when do you leave Rome for the Adriatic?
I think if he had the balls to stand there with his "junk" out you should have been a photo journalist...When in Rome...
Loralei: aside from the intrusive sperms, I love sperm cafe. Its a place where I can always count on meeting other english speakers when my brain is too tired to translate and I don't want to sound like a moron speaking broken Italian. Plus, wine is cheap and the people watching is great!
Just got back from Adriatic about 2 hours ago. Awesome!!!
I didn't see his balls, just his weeeeena, but I assume he had them if he was rubbing one out. If had not been so shocked I may bave taken on the role. As it was, I just got the hell outta there!
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